That's how the fight started...

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"

That's how the fight started...

-----

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

That's when the fight started...

-----------------------------------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the
channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

Then the fight started...

----------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary...
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

Then the fight started...

----------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat
alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?'

Then the fight started...

----------------------------

I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a
DWARF!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

Then the fight started....

----------------------------
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the
truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only
a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

--digitaltangent

Hands

Hands
by Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I'll gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours, they are my own
but they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
but it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
but i knew it wasn't ever after
We will fight, not out of spite
for someone must stand up for what's right
'cause where there's a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing

My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours, they are my own
but they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken

My hands are small, i know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken
We are never broken

We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's eyes