GEMINI - The Chatterbox

This was interesting. Cris Angel showed how this worked on one of his
shows, but it was still kind of surprising when I checked out several
people I knew. Not superstitious, but I need all the luck I can get!
Once you ha ve opened this e-mail, there is no turning back. Below are
true descriptions of zodiac signs.. Read your sign, and then forward it
on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the
real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first th ing you'll
notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only
gets worse from there.

CAPRICORN The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be
Good-looking. Humorous and funny.. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often
pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be
Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition.. Get what they
want. 20 years of good luck if you forward.
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive
and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit
rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the
inside and out. Eccentric p ersonality. 11 years of luck if you
forward.
PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar=2 020)
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and i maginative. May
become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and
unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser.
Beautiful.
8 years of good luck if you forward.
ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun.
Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient.. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse.
(Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit Outgoing. Lose
interest=2 0quickly - easily bored. Egoti stical. Courageous and
assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 16 years of good luck if
you forward..
TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20)
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard
workers. Warm-hearted.. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are
stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride
in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good=
advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - - passionate. Expresses themselves
emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulges
themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of good Luck if you forward
GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20)
Smart and witty. Outgoing , very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable
but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like
change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem
superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years
of bad luck if you do not forward.
CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22)
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome
Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative.
Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily
hurt, but sympathetic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)
Very organized. Need order in their lives - li ke being in control. Like
boundaries. Tend to take over everything.. Bossy. Like to help Others.
Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive.
Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is
important to Leos. Attractive. 13 years of bad luck if you= do not
forward.
VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word.
Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager.
Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh.
Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 7 years of bad luck if
you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique
appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone.
Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too
easily. P rocrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do
not forward.
SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive.
Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds
grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships.
Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and
Emotional. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome).
Indulges self . Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and
outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient.
Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like
rules . Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces
or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and
out 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward

Send away!!
~ Ready , set , go!
1-3 people = 1 minute of luck
4-7 people = 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1 day of luck
13-17 People = 1 week of luck
18-22 people = 1 month of luck
23-27 people = 3 Months of luck
28-32 people = 7 months of luck
33-37 people = 1 year of luck

--Digitaltangent =^.^=
--digitaltangent

CLEAN CAN BE FUNNY!

Clean can be funny........Not Always............But
Sometimes...........
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you
want.' So he tied her up and went golfing...........
*****************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my
God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't
matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'........................

********************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband..............

*************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters ... 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read
this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know
the guy.'

***********************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of
chardonnay.'

********************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to
salt them You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE
SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The
husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving.'

***************************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued
him a comb That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On
his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the
Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army
issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51
years.
*******************************************

--Digitaltangent =^.^=
--digitaltangent

Reggie...

I dont care who you are...if this doesnt touch you...you are truly
heartless!!

*********************************************************************************************************

They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie as I looked at him
lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really
friendly.

I'd only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the
small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when
you pass them on the street.

But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new
life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk
to. And I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The
shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said
the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like "Lab
people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did.

But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie
and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of

which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes, and a sealed letter from
his previous owner. See, Reggie and I didn't really hit it off when we
got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told
me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I
was trying to adjust, too. Maybe we were too much alike.

For some reason, his stuff (except for the tennis balls - he wouldn't go
anywhere without two stuffed in his mouth) got tossed in with all of my
other unpacked boxes. I guess I didn't really think he'd need all his
old stuff, that I'd get him new things once he settled in. but it became
pretty clear pretty soon that he wasn't going to.

I tried the normal commands the shelter told me he knew, ones like "sit"
and "stay" and "come" and "heel," and he'd follow them - when he felt
like it.. He never really seemed to listen when I called his name -
sure, he'd look in my direction after the fourth of fifth

time I said it, but then he'd just go back to doing whatever. When I'd
ask again, you could almost see him sigh and then grudgingly obey.

This just wasn't going to work. He chewed a couple shoes and some
unpacked boxes. I was a little too stern with him and he resented it, I
could tell. The friction got so bad that I couldn't wait for the two
weeks to be up, and when it was, I was in full-on search mode for my
cellphone amid all of my unpacked stuff. I remembered leaving it on the
stack of boxes for the guest room, but I also mumbled, rather cynically,
that the

"darn dog probably hid it on me."

Finally I found it, but before I could punch up the shelter's number, I
also found his pad and other toys from the shelter.. I tossed the pad in
Reggie's direction and he snuffed it and wagged, some of the most
enthusiasm I'd seen since bringing him home.. But then I called, "Hey,
Reggie, you like that? Come here and I'll give you a treat."

Instead, he sort of glanced in my direction - maybe "glared" is more
accurate - and then gave a discontented sigh and flopped down. With his
back to me.

Well, that's not going to do it either, I thought. And I punched the
shelter phone number.

But I hung up when I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten
about that, too. "Okay, Reggie," I said out loud, "let's see if your
previous owner has any advice."

*********************************************************************************************************

To Whoever Gets My Dog:

Well, I can't say that I'm happy you're reading this, a letter I told
the shelter could only be opened by Reggie's new owner.

I'm not even happy writing it. If you're reading this, it means I just
got back from my last car ride with my Lab after dropping him off at the
shelter. He knew something was different. I have packed up his pad and
toys before and set them by the back door before a trip, but this
time... it's like he knew something was wrong. And something is wrong...
which is why I have to go to try to make it right.

So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond
with him and he with you.

First, he loves tennis balls. The more the merrier. Sometimes I think
he's part squirrel, the way he hordes them. He usually always has two in
his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn't done it yet.
Doesn't matter where you throw them, he'll bound after it, so be careful
- really don't do it by any roads. I made that mistake once, and it
almost cost him dearly.

Next, commands. Maybe the shelter staff already told you, but I'll go
over them again: Reggie knows the obvious ones - "sit," "stay," "come,"
"heel." He knows hand signals: "back" to turn around and go back when
you put your hand straight up; and "over" if you put your hand out right
or left. "Shake" for shaking water off, and "paw" for a high-five. He
does "down" when he feels like

lying down - I bet you could work on that with him some more. He knows
"ball" and "food" and "bone" and "treat" like nobody's business.

I trained Reggie with small food treats. Nothing opens his ears like
little pieces of hot dog.

Feeding schedule: twice a day, once about seven in the morning, and
again at six in the evening. Regular store-bought stuff; the shelter has
the brand.

He's up on his shots. Call the clinic on 9th Street and update his info
with yours; they'll make sure to send you reminders for when he's due.
Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck getting him in the car -
I don't know how he knows when it's time to go to the vet, but he
knows.

Finally, give him some time.

I've never been married, so it's only been Reggie and me for his whole
life. He's gone everywhere with me, so please include him on your daily
car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he doesn't bark
or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me most especially.

Which means that this transition is going to be hard, with him going to
live with someone new.

And that's why I need to share one more bit of info with you....

His name's not Reggie.

I don't know what made me do it, but when I dropped him off at the
shelter, I told them his name was Reggie. He's a smart dog, he'll get
used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. but I just
couldn't bear to give them his real name. For me to do that, it seemed
so final, that handing him over to the shelter was as good as me
admitting that I'd never see him again. And if I end up coming back,
getting him, and tearing up this letter, it means everything's fine. But
if someone else is reading it, well... well it means that his new owner
should know his real name. It'll help you bond with him. Who knows,
maybe you'll even notice a change in his demeanor if he's been giving
you problems.

His real name is Tank.

Because that is what I drive.

Again, if you're reading this and you're from the area, maybe my name
has been on the news. I told the shelter that they couldn't make
"Reggie" available for adoption until they received word from my company
commander. See, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I
could've left Tank with... and it was my only real request of the Army
upon my deployment to Iraq, that they make one phone call the shelter...
in the "event"... to tell them that Tank could be put up for adoption.
Luckily, my colonel is a dog guy, too, and he knew where my platoon was
headed. He said he'd do it personally. And if you're reading this, then
he made good on his word.

Well, this letter is getting too downright depressing, even though,
frankly, I'm just writing it for my dog. I couldn't imagine if I was
writing it for a wife and kids and family. but still, Tank has been my
family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my
family.

And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family and that
he will adjust and come to love you the same way he loved me.

That unconditional love from a dog is what I took with me to Iraq as an
inspiration to do something selfless, to protect innocent people from
those who would do terrible things... and to keep those terrible people
from coming over here. If I had to give up Tank in order to do it, I am
glad to have done so. He was my example of service and of love. I hope I
honored him by my service to my country and comrades.

All right, that's enough.

I deploy this evening and have to drop this letter off at the shelter. I
don't think I'll say another good-bye to Tank, though. I cried too much
the first time. Maybe I'll peek in on him and see if he finally got that
third tennis ball in his mouth.

Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss
goodnight - every night - from me.

Thank you,

Paul Mallory

********************************************************************************************************

I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure I had
heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like
me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning
the Silver Star when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had
been at half-mast all summer.

I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring
at the dog.

"Hey, Tank," I said quietly.

The dog's head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright.

"C'mere boy."

He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor.
He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he hadn't
heard in months.

"Tank," I whispered.

His tail swished.

I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears
lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of
contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his
shoulders, buried my face into his scruff and hugged him.

"It's me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me." Tank
reached up and licked my cheek. "So whatdaya say we play some ball? His
ears perked again.

"Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?" Tank tore from my hands and
disappeared in the next room.

And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth.
--Digitaltangent =^.^=
--digitaltangent

Daddy, how was I born?

 
Just thought this would make you laugh!!
 
Daddy, how was I born? 

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'  

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find
out anyway!  

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe...  

We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. 

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us
had used a firewall,

and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a
little Pop-Up appeared that said:  

 
 
 

 

Scroll down

 

 

 

 

 

 

'You got Male!

 

 
 

--digitaltangent
--digitaltangent